look at yourself ! see what happens !

u keep on talking about people ,

now , KARMA IS HITTING YOU BACK !

i hope u realise it .

u dare talk behind my back ,

i dare u talk face2face with me ! im not afraid of you!

im waiting ! u just dun realise how cruel u are talking about people .

yur so immature ! i thought u were a good person.

but excuse me , i didnt know that yur like this .

if yur not happy with me ,

i dare u talk face to face wimme , unless yur a coward !

i hate u , BITCH !

IM REFERRING TO YOU , S !

hello people .

won't be updating since N levels are coming .

My Books are my ' best  friends ' for now .

next week y'know . wishh everybody all the best for your incoming exams !

will be updating soon okey ?

miiss me ! mwahhx !

` aidilin fitrii .

its hari raye , like finally !!  yahoooooooo !!

SELAMAT HARI RAYE TO ALL !!!!

Omg . i feel so suckish today , felt like shit . i donnoe why . i guess theres just

too many things up my mind .

yeah , TOO MANY . Fellings of sadness , fear , anxiousness and many more are all

mixed up in me . i just cldnt describe how it feels like .

Only God knows how i felt . i cant bare to loose anything in my life . everythings so precious to me .

OR LGY WORSE ! LOOSING SOMEONE YOU LOVE SO MUCH !

Having to go through these feelings and these moments in life , sucks .

But , i knew i had to be strong for Him .

Baby will be going through a major operation . an operation for his scoliosis disease .

Im so afraid .. afraid of alot things .

so so many things , there are alot of possibles that will happen during his crucial days .

anything can happen whenever a person is in a coma .

memory loss , or even still .... the worst , where the person doesnt wanna know .

IT FEARS ME ALOT !

To add on to my grief , he said ;

baby : i didnt mean to think abt the negative thoughts . but i fear one thing . i fear i won't  be

able to wake up again . i wanna look at you the first thing i wake up . like this     - :) -

NO ! HE BETTER WAKE  UP !! HE BETTER ! I CAN'T LEAVE ALONE ! HE HAS TO BE WITH ME !

HE ALREADY PROMISED ! ;(((((((((((((((((((((((((

Oh God , i didnt realise it will be this hard for me . i dont know if im strong enough to go thru all this .

he was my hope to live on . he taught me alot of things and

i am not ready to let him go ! never ! i need him to still guide me !

even typing all this is too hard for me .

i promise to stay with him during his crucial days . for you , i will .

` God , please help me .

` God , please hear out my prayers .

i guess im wrong . another part of world war 2 begins . i just couldnt understand your motives .

stop giving excuses that will make me angry ! think first luh before u do anything .

its so disappointing .yur promises all shatters right in front of my face like fake glass .

it makes me upset all the time , all the time ! and also of cos ,

the more you break your promise , the more i feel like going away . and give up .

u made me wanna leave twice , don't make me leave for the third time , cos if i do ,

i won't turn back and give anymore chances , i swear ..

break the promises if you dare !

Why ?

I think now is the best time for me to apologise to someone .

someone who has been so patient

and has been tolerating with all my bad tempers and wrong doings all this while .

but yet , he still keeps blaming himself though we both know at times , im at wrong .

i know he doesnt mean it when he hurts me .

its not  his intention . cos he made an effort trying to make me happy everytime .

though through the hard times , he smiled for me and tried to make my day special .

Even though he has a bad day ,

he tends to not show it , because he doesnt wanna spoil mine .

Today was our 16th month anniversary . didnt realli celebrated cos its bulan puase . lol . so we just went out on friday to E!HUB to catch a movie , dance flick . quite funny though . but we didnt realli concentrated on the movie cos we were talking all the way thru out the movie . haha . wth . org concentrate ehk , ni bobal . slenger betul . anyhos , that day was hilarious ! okey , firstly we made our way at 1030am , and was late actually cos we were suppose to meet up at 9 gtu . was an hour plus, plus , plus late . heeeh ! maklum luh , aku biase siap lamer2 . hehe . sorrey baby . tp naseb die orgnye bersabar . sempat jugak dier maen game . so , we were late kan , confident kan movie start 1115 , we took the cab , then reached there , check2 movies will only start at 1145 instead of 1115 ! wth , waste money naek cab , tahu naek bus ajer !

then when we decided to buy the tickets , which was the ugly truth , we didnt realise that the movie starts at 1140PM . cos we thought it wld start at 1140AM !! so we got messed up with the timing . da gtu , kte beli je tak check dulu . haha ! slenger kan ? we only realise when we waited till 1145 , thenn we asked the guy at the entrance when we cld get it . then skali he said , " this starts at 1140PM . ni mlm dik , the first movie starts at 1140AM not PM ." hahha ! paisey nyeeeeeeeeerr !! haiyootambi ! da gtu okey taw , naseb the tickets can change , if not wasted sei , malu2! haha .  cos the lady said , " please check yur tickets b4 entering " but we didnt . hehehe ! CARELESSS !

then the second incident , after we get the " new tickets " we went to the arcade near the cinema to look at the games to waste time till 1215 . then a few minutes later , dearest wanted me get something for me and wanted me to stay there . well , at that point of time , i didnt realise that the movie tickets were with me . so i accidently dropped the tickets somewhere when i took out my phone . so when we wanted to enter , we both realise that the tickets were lost . hahhs ! what a terrible moment , i felt so horrible when i lost it , and i got pissed on myself . haha then i said to baby ,

me ; da luh , da tkya carik luh ! kte da carik sume tempat da ! ttp takd ! org da amek da ! da takya tgok luh !

( in an angry , sad tone . was also abt to cry )

baby ; takmo mcm tuh syng . we'll find it . i ask the counter whether we can replace it okey ?

me ; da takya luh ! takya ! sudah tuh sudah ! rezki org lain kan ! biarkan je luh !

( even angrier at myself , air mate nak kat jatuh ! )

baby ; degil ehk ! belum try . belum tahu syng . let me ask first .

me ; gy luh ! gy luh ! degil uh !

( was so angry till i got angry at him also bcos his too stubborn with his "tkmo putus asa attitude " )

A FEW SECONDS LATER ....

baby ; syng ? dorng da jumpe ticket kte . da2 tuh . jgn sedih lgy . jom syng (:

me ; ouh , found the tickets alrd ehk ? hehe .

( i felt so paisey and malu !!!!!! )

baby ; tuh luh , what did i say . jgn senang putus asa . ( smiled , pinched my nose )

Haahhaha ! see how careless i was . but he was stubborn and sweet enuf to make my day . haha . hilarious . two incidents that made me so malu !! paisey u know ! haiyoootambi ! lol . thanks to that person who found our tickets . MAY GOOD BLESS YOU ! hehe . And to my other half ,

i would want to take this oppurtunity to thank and also apologise

for everythg . For every single thing that we have gone thru are something we shld learn from

After all the many many obstacles , we still made it thru , strong .

Teach me , guide me and protect me from anythg i shldn't or shld do .

After 16 months of the tolerating , shouting , argueing , crying , smiling , laughing and

all the shits emotional moments that we have been thru , have made us into a stonger and meaningful person .

Managing the ups and downs are the usual routines to us and

we believe that its just a test for us from Allah .

Especially this month , the journey has been a really rough one for us ,

though thru the many heartpain , tears and promises . but we still hold

on to each other . thats was how meaningful our relationship was .

i just hope after ' world war 2 '  ,

the argueing and fighting will end . i just hope . i cant bear with the pain . i cant bear to see you hurt .

and i dont wanna repeat my mistakes that happened 16 months ago .

No matter what , we will always stay strong , thru thick and thin .

Happy 16TH Months Anniversary , Sweetheart .

♥   120508  ♥

now is already 1235am . i cant sleep . im just too nervous to sit for tmr's N level MT paper .

im jjust like everyone els . scared like hell ! some still not sleeping yet .

like me . im still mugging y'know . i just cant sleep yet . and it suck to feel this way .

Allah , please give me the strength and courage to go through the following days calmly and smoothly .

Amin .

* im off to bed .